I am sitting overlooking the most beautiful landscape as I enjoy coffee at the Heights of Abraham and reflecting with God on many things, including my lack of posts for a few months, so here goes some reflections and maybe some ramblings too!
So, where to start, I guess a good place is with graduation and the days leading up to it. I was blown away when my revival group nominated me for the M Earl Johnson Award, this is like a student of the year award, and Papa used this to show me the long lasting impact I have had this year in people's lives just by being me. How amazing is it that just by being who I was created to be, just by loving as I do, just by caring as I do, Papa has used me in the most astounding ways to build up, support and encourage so many people around me. I truly am so thankful for the privilege that is mine, I get to walk with, both in the UK and America, some amazing people and to top it all off, Papa uses me to bless them. Funny how Kingdom works, as I give away who I am I receive so much more in return. I love it! I didn't win the award but just being nominated was an honour and Papa taught me about seeking only his affirmation and letting my heart be heard through the process. Amazing!
Next came the knighting ceremony where Bill Johnson and Kris Valloten each placed a sword on our shoulders to commission us as sent ones. I had been told that this was significant but was unprepared for how impacted I was by it all. The day is very well planned as they have about 1100 students to knight but it is very fast paced. Lots of the students as they knelt had their eyes closed but I wanted to see Bill and Kris as they knighted me so I kept mine open. As I waited I was so expectant, so full of anticipation, I knew God was going to do something so I told him that I wanted whatever he had to give me and I was not disappointed, though I am not sure I could tell you fully what I received. As I was knighted I felt the pleasure that Bill and Kris had for me, I felt their pride in me as my spiritual fathers. Wow! I was blown away by the knowledge that my heavenly Father is not the only one who takes pleasure in me, a truly new experience and a tremendous blessing. I am still walking out with Papa the fullness of what he did that day and it may, at some point, make it into another post.
At graduation they showed a trailer of a film they are making of the missions trips to the UK. I had seen this at the morning graduation and just enjoyed seeing some lovely countryside but as I watched it in the afternoon I began to cry. I was overwhelmed with a sense of wanting to be home, of wanting to be back in the UK. God is so gracious because I did not feel like this until I had finished school and could begin to look forward to heading home. It was still a strange feeling though because it felt like I was going on a vacation rather than going home as I knew I would only be back for 3 months. I also have a home and a bedroom in Redding but I don't in the UK.
The rest of graduation was wonderful as we celebrated one another, though it was also bittersweet as I said goodbye to dear, dear friends who have become family and will not be there for second year. It is official, I am a BSSM alumni!
Three weeks after finishing school I headed back to the UK, excited to see friends and family and expectant to see the adventure that Papa and I were heading on. Three weeks in and I can truly say I am blessed and life is good. I am still realising some of what Papa has done over the past year and also stepping into new truths. Good is so good and I love this journey be has me on. Here are a few of my highlights from my first few weeks in England and my last few days in America.
When I was talking to God about the summer I asked for a wardrobe, it was my one request. This may seem a little strange but I wanted to feel at home and living out of a suitcase is not conducive to that! Amazingly, not only did I get a wardrobe but I got a home, I was welcomed as a member of the family. Blessed indeed! Add to this the wonderful welcome I received from my church family and I can truly say that I am happy to be home and looking forward to the few months I get to spend here. So thankful to Papa for sorting this out for me. I am loved indeed!
While I was away I got to know God as Father much more as I learnt to spend time in the secret place. It was wonderful, whenever I chose to go there be was waiting, eager to spend time with me too. How amazing that God Almighty, Creator of the universe wants to spend time with us, he wants relationship with us. I find that truth mind blowing and so comforting! As I was preparing to come home for the summer I began realising that I don't know Holy Spirit as well as I know Papa and Jesus and so I determined to spend my summer getting to know him more. I started by setting an hourly alarm on my phone so that I could recognise his presence and thank him for his guidance and be more aware of him in my life. As I did this I felt Holy Spirit tell me that I did not trust him. This threw me, Holy Spirit is God and God is good, so how could I not trust him? Holy Spirit showed me that I trusted Jesus because he is the reason that I am saved, he met me in the depths of my sin and so is trustworthy. He reminded me too of the journey I had gone on to learn to trust Papa and through this he made me realise that I had never done this with him. Wow! I was surprised but thankfully I knew just what to do! I said sorry to Holy Spirit for not trusting him and declared that he was good and that I did trust him. That night, my last night in America I slept very badly because I had a trapped nerve in my shoulder and and as I lay awake I declared afresh that Holy Spirit was good and that I trusted him and asked that he would show me how goodness the next day.
As soon as I got up I planned to step my bed so that I could wash my sheets but Lizzie asked and asked if she could do it for me. Wow! Thank you! Next, Lizzie and I were TSA approved when we got to security at the airport, I have no idea how this happened but we did not have to take off our shoes or take anything out of our bags. Wow! Thank you! The next blessing was that they checked my cabin bag for free all the way to London, I have had this happen for a particular flight before but never an entire journey. Wow! Thank you! For our first flight I say right at the back so that I could have an aisle seat and be more comfortable with my arm and shoulder, however, we did not have long between landing and our next flight. Amazingly, the flight crew said there's were a couple of people with international flights could people let them off first and we were off in 5 minutes. Wow! Thank you! My last Holy Spirit blessing of the day came on our 8 1/2 hour flight to the UK, Lizzie was say on an aisle in the middle row and nobody sat beside her and she swapped with me. It meant I had room to move and no one could knock my arm or shoulder. Wow! Thank you! Though the journey was uncomfortable I was truly blessed as Holy Spirit began teaching me about how faithful he is, about how good be is through the process. Love that this is part of my journey for the summer to do this more! God is good, Father, Son and Holy Spirit!
Some of what God has been teaching me is that love always wins and what that looks like. It looks like relationship over being right, it looks like seeing Jesus in everyone I meet and calling that out, it looks like stopping for the one in front of me and joining in with what Papa is doing. Most of all, thankfully, it looks like being me, it looks like me becoming who I was created to be and learning to walk that it hand in hand with Holy Spirit. This is my summer journey as I get to know Holy Spirit better, to learn to do this in every situation more and more, to learn to walk naturally supernaturally. The truth is, I have a long way to go on this journey but I have the best teacher I could ever hope for. He is patient and kind, loves to teach me and to be in my company, just as well as he lives in me! I am blessed with the best as a friend would say!
I have learnt so much this year, some of which I am aware of and some I am still working through but there are two things that I am to have shared more than anything else since being back so I will share them here.
The first is: Be you because you are the best you but you will only ever be a second rate someone else!
The second is: Good promises to work all things for good so, if it's not good then it's not over!
I hope to post again soon but God has spoken to me about finishing the book I started before my husband died, so we will see. Whatever happens I will be writing but I hopefully that will include a post or two.
Lastly, thank you for reading this and getting this far! I hope it had been encouraging and not too mixed up. I have loved this year and am loving my summer at home in England. I truly do have a blessed life because I have a good God. This doesn't mean it's always sunshine and roses (read my earlier posts if you don't believe me) but it does mean I know it will all work out in the end because that's what my Papa promises and I know tthat, if I choose to, I can walk through every circumstance with joy, even through the tears! This is the wonderful truth that is open to everyone who believes, life and life in all its fullness!
