So a few weeks have passed since my last blog and we have just finished week 4 of school. It has been intense! It has been life changing! It has been amazing fun! So here goes with an update!
First, why am I here? Why am I back to spend 9 months in ministry school? After spending some time with Papa this is my answer, I am here to pursue God with all that I am and to become fully who he created me to be, his favourite daughter who looks just like Jesus!
So now for a little of that journey, or at least the first few steps! A couple of weeks ago at church I was given a word that God was going to reveal a new aspect of my heart to me during service. As worship began I went to the front but felt like I shouldn't be there so I went to the back instead. I saw a young girl there who has moved to Redding and who Papa has had me encourage a few times, we hugged and she said she was pleased to see me back and asked if we could spend some time together. I was happy to say yes and it felt like the right response.
I began to worship, got on my knees and told Papa that I was ready and available for all he wanted to do. Pretty soon I was on my face as I felt my heart being expanded, the only way I can describe it is to say that it felt very uncomfortable and like my heart was too big for my chest and then it grew some more. I willingly received this, one of my heart cries for many years is that I want to be Papa's love on legs and this felt like it was helping!
After a while I say back onto my knees and a beautiful first year came and gave me a word that God loves my sweet spirit and delights in me. Great encouragement! I went back to worshiping, it was the only natural response! The next time I opened my eyes the young girl I had spoken to earlier was at close by and she was weeping. I just held her, stroked her hair and kissed her without saying a word. As I was doing it I was just so aware of this overwhelming sense of love I had for her and that was it. After a while she stopped crying, we hugged and the service went on. I knew Papa had done something and had definitely expanded my heart but I could not have told you the new aspect of my heart he had revealed.
The next day I was going for dinner with a friend so that we could have a good catch up. As we were talking I began to share about what had happened at church the night before and suddenly revelation hit me! I was crying as I realised that what Papa had shown me the night before, and I had missed because I didn't think it was true, was that I have a pure heart. Wow! This was an amazing and beautiful revelation to me that completely took me by surprise! My friend however was not surprised, well only in the fact that I did not know it. Later when I shared with my housemates their only surprise too was that I was not aware of this. Thank you Papa that you brought revelation and then the confirmation I needed too, you know me so well!
All of this (surprise, surprise!) was to set me up for what he had for me during the next week. It started when one of the interns asked me what the year looked like for me and I said becoming fully me. She then asked me to define that and I said I was pursuing fearlessness as this was the first word that came to mind of the things I was pursuing. She then shared how she had pursued fearlessness in 1st and 2nd year and was pursuing love this year and encouraged me in my journey,
Later that night as I spent some time with Papa be reminded me that 3 times last year I had received words from different people about being a fearless lover. Wow! I then spent some time talking with him about pursuing being a fearless lover, what that looks like and how I chase after it. Unsurprisingly he told me that I chase Street it by pursuing him, by ministering to his heart. What a privilege! Before he would tell me what it looks like he asked would I like to know how I'm known in heaven? Well of course I would, well, at least, I think I would! He then told me that in heaven I am called Fearless Lover. Wow! Talk about being blown away by his goodness, this was just such a moment!
As I sat and pondered what this meant and what it would look like he whispered to me, 'it looks like you being fully you, fully who I created you to be and it looks like Jesus and like you fulfilling your destiny.' Wow! What on earth can you reply when the Creator of everything whispers such wonders to you? All I could do was get on my knees and say, 'YES! YES! YES! I give my this year and the rest of my life to pursuing you, to ministering to your heart and to becoming fully Fearless Lover.'
So I have a new name and it has blown my mind that Almighty God would call me Fearless Lover. He truly does take the foolish things of this world, the weak things of this world, the least of this world and declare great and extraordinary things over them. I am so excited to see where this journey takes me and to see what great and extraordinary things he does through me as I take him at his word and pursue his face.
Thank you for reading. There was more I wanted to write but it can wait for another day, I hope you are encouraged to pursue him with all you are and to see what great and extraordinary things he wants to do through you. You are amazing, his favourite child, his greatest delight and as you turn towards him he is running, arms wide open towards you! Be blessed!
