The road to Bethel

Hello again, thank you for all the comments I have had about my last post, so encouraging!

To tell you about my road to Bethel I need to go back to the few weeks after my husband died. I knew that I would sell our house as we had planned to move anyway and it was no longer our home. This meant that I would have the option of travelling as I would be able to access some cash to facilitate this. My first thought was to go to Hong Kong and volunteer with St Stephen's Society for a year to learn from them, I had asked Papa for something to look forward to and hope for, something tangible and I felt him say Hong Kong. I had spent two weeks there in 2012 (all my husband's doing) and had loved it. I came away knowing that God wanted me to bring aspects of the work out there back to the UK and that I needed to go back and learn, learn, learn! So I started thinking about applying to go to Hong Kong sometime this year. As I am with nearly everything, I was very excited at the prospect and was happy to tell anyone who would listen. 

At New Year I went on retreat at Mount Saint Bernard's Abbey. It was wonderful. Most of my time there was about talking with Papa about the next year, my first as a widow. I declared to him again and again that I would go wherever he wanted me to and do whatever he wanted me to. The only thing that I wanted was that he would go with me wherever I went. I met some lovely people on the retreat and one of them who I spent a little time with said to me that I should not be so set on Hong Kong but be open to what else may be ahead. To be honest I had no time for this suggestion and did not give it any real consideration. However, as I was leaving, the same person again said to me that she thought I should keep an open mind and be open to other options. As I drove home I asked Papa if this was him and said if it was I was open to whatever he wanted me to do and wherever he wanted me to go.

The next day I was at a Global Legacy conference listening to one of the speakers when I felt Papa say that he wanted me to go to Bethel School of Ministry. But it's full of Americans was my immediate response! It's not that I don't like Americans, I had just never seen myself spending lots of time with them and America was definitely low down on my places to visit. Papa again said he wanted me to go to Bethel and asked if I remembered him telling me, many years ago, that he would send me to bible school. Wow, this question really threw me. He had indeed said to me 17 years ago that he wanted me to go to bible school. I had only been a believer for about a year and had spent as much time away from Jesus as I had with him. When Papa spoke I was at Kingdom Faith Camp and had recently returned from walking away from Jesus again. Being a new and immature believer I heard and immediately acted (no seeking confirmation or speaking with those over me who were wise, just headstrong action) by applying to Kingdom Faith bible school. I was turned down which at the time seemed devastating and meant that I must have got it wrong and did not hear God speak. Hindsight (and some maturity) shows that it was a wise decision on their part as I would probably have caused havoc there. At this point I said that I would seek some confirmation and push some doors to see what would happen about Bethel.

The next day I got words from two young people I knew that confirmed what Papa had said, one was about being given new tools and not just any tools but the best and the other was about birthing the miraculous. Wow! With this I emailed my elders so that we could talk about it, I would not go without their blessing. When we met they were very excited for me and felt that this was The Lord opening a new and unexpected door for me and we agreed that I would apply.

Most of the people I spoke to about applying were very encouraging but a couple of them were not, raising concerns about the validity of Bethel and the leadership. As a result of this when I applied I did not tell them that I had done it. God gave me a picture at this time of me swimming against the tide, I had been given this picture a few years earlier too, and he said that though not everyone would understand there were those swimming with me who would cheer and encourage me on this journey.

My application in, I just had to wait for my recommendations to be done and then I could book a skype interview. Within 2 weeks it was all done and my interview was booked for the end of January. All through this process I just kept praying that God's will would be done and that if it was right for me to go he would open the door but equally, he would slam it shut if I was wrong. I just wanted to be obedient to his call on my life. One friend who had been praying with me about it said that Papa had said that I would know what was right when I had my interview. The interview began but due to bad weather skype would not work properly and I was told I would have to rearrange. My initial reaction was that I must have heard wrong and was not meant to go but I heard Holy Spirit say that the reason the interview had not gone ahead was that I had not done it honourably, I was to tell my friends that I had applied and when my interview was.

Three weeks later and all out in the open I had my interview. My friends who were uncertain about Bethel prayed with me beforehand and we just asked that God's will would be done. The interview was soon over and I was left to wait the 2-4 weeks they had said it would take to tell me. The person who interviewed me declared at the end that where I would be in September was the right place and it was bigger than I know. The next morning I came before God and just declared that wherever I was in September I would rejoice and be glad because it would be where he wanted me. My only request was that I did not have to wait 4 weeks to find out whether it was Bethel or not!

Within 48 hours I knew I was going to Bethel. How exciting, Papa had not made me wait 4 weeks and his awesome provision did not end there. Housemates and housing were just around the corner but that's for next time.

Thank you for reading. I pray you have been blessed and encouraged.

So why a blog and why now?

Hello and welcome to my blog. So why a blog and why now? Good question, not sure I fully know the answer myself but as this journey progresses hopefully it will become clear!

First, I guess a little about me might be helpful. I am 45 years old and a mum and grandma. I have been a follower of Jesus for 18 years and was unexpectedly widowed after being with my husband for 16 years in 2013. In August of this year I fly out to Redding, California to attend Bethel School of Ministry and I think this blog will be a record of the amazing adventure that God has called me to go on with him, wherever that takes me. For the moment though it seems right to tell you a little about how I got where I am, so here goes.

I met Jesus when I was 28 and leading up to this I was a mess. I came from a dysfunctional, broken home where abuse and drugs were normal and by the time I met Jesus at 28 I had spent 15 years doing drugs and all the related lifestyle
issues that tend to go with it trying to hide how much I hurt inside. I was also a single mum to an amazing 10 year old son.

Then Jesus stepped in, I did not expect it, definitely was not looking for it (in my opinion) but in he stepped anyway! It was amazing, in one encounter he showed me that I was loved, accepted and forgiven and that he wanted to know me. Wow! I had a lot of issues due to the lifestyle I had led and for the first couple of years I was up and down like a yo-yo. It was during this time I met and married my husband. When I was 30 I finally gave up my efforts and said to God that I would go his way and I have never looked back. Over the past 15 years he has brought healing and wholeness to me in ways I could never have imagined and most people who hear my testimony now struggle to relate it to the person they see before them. That is the amazing grace and restoration of my awesome Almighty God. My Papa, my Jesus and my Holy Spirit, without whom I fear to think where I would be today or if I would even be here at all.

As I said at the beginning, I am recently widowed and my husband was not follower of Jesus, though he always encouraged me in my faith and was a wonderful man. The last couple of years before my husband died I had 3 prayers that were on my heart. The first was to see my husband follow Jesus, God had said to me this would happen and when I told my husband I believed this he promised me to do it on his death bed. The second was to see reconciliation between my son and I, we had not spoken in a couple of years and I knew I had a grandson but had not met him. My last prayer was that I wanted my declaration of all I am for Jesus to be wholly and completely true with nothing held back. Keep these things in mind as I take you back to December 2012, as I want to share how amazing my God is and how he sees to all the details so that we can count our blessings even in the toughest seasons of our lives.

In December 2012 my husband and I decided we wanted to move to the countryside, both to be near one of his sisters and because we loved the country life. A job came up with the charity I worked with at a different project (I worked with highrisk ex offenders) and if I got it moving would be made much easier. I applied and prayed that God would open the door if it was the right next step, I got the job in January 2013 but it was 4 months before I was able to transfer, so at the end of May I started my new job. How excited was I, a new challenge, a shorter commute and the opportunity to move! 10 days after I started at the new project though, senior managers came to tell us they were closing the project in September. Shock! How could this be? I had asked God to shut the door if it was not right and he had not done so. Why would he give me a job and take it away again so quickly? I came to the conclusion that I was there to support the staff (I am a great change manager) and pray for God's intervention, his miracle to save the project. Sadly, or so I thought at the time, I was made redundant on 1st September 2013. My husband and I had more time together than we had enjoyed for many years (he was not working at this time as he was doing up the house) and he was in a great place. He had found this lovely little cottage for us to buy and was really motivated and excited to do up the house so we could sell it and move.It was not to be, on October 10th 2013 he died suddenly of a heart attack. God's blessings even in this hard time were amazing though. We had spent the last 6 weeks of his life together with no work getting in the way (so my redundancy was not sad but amazing provision of time), my husband had no idea he was dying (he just said he wanted an ibuprofen because he had pulled his chest, gave me a hug and died) and I was with him.

Since his death God has shown me clearly that my husband stuck to his promise and is now with Jesus and is among the crowd cheering me on. My son and I are reconciled and I am getting to know my amazing grandson and his mum. Lastly, all I have and all I am is truly all for Jesus, nothing held back. It is not the way I would have wanted my prayers answered but I can say in all truth that every day since my husband died I have known that God's grace is sufficient for me and that his joy is my strength. I still have steps to take to walk out free and whole from my grief but I know that Papa will continue the work he has begun and for that I am forever grateful.

I guess the last thing you need to know is my journey that led to me being enrolled in Bethel School of Ministry (BSSM for short) but that's a story for next time.

Thanks for reading, I pray you were encouraged and blessed.