The line in the sand.

Wow! What an amazing, roller coaster few weeks I have had but through it all Papa has been so good. The song that is constantly on my lips at the moment is 'Amazed', so simple but just hits right where I am at the moment.

"You dance over me though I am unaware. You sing over me though I never hear a sound. I'm amazed by you. I'm amazed by you. I'm amazed by you. Oh, how You love me."

I hope as you read this post you are encouraged wherever you are at and can declare this song's simple truth with all your heart.

The night before my birthday we had lots and lots of rain in California. Halelujah! Not just because of the drought but because I love rain. It truly felt like a gift just for me from Papa. I was a little nervous about my birthday, it being the first one since my husband died and the fact that I was off on retreat with 300 other students and I knew there would not be much alone time. I need not have been concerned as Papa woke me up at 11.55pm and we spent the first two hours of my birthday together? Awesome! I sang to Him and He sang to me and just poured out His love all over me. What an amazing way to start to my 46th year!

Retreat was great. The setting of JH ranch was breathtaking, even with the cold and rain! I got some brilliant, confirming prophetic words and pictures. We had wonderful worship and teaching and I loved getting to know the guys in my revival group better. It was fun!

When I got home from retreat one of my lovely friends in the UK had sent me a message. She said she had been thinking about me and the rain and felt God say that the rain before my birthday was a prophetic sign and He was going to draw a line in the sand. She did not know what it meant and neither did I but all will become clear!

Fast forward to last week, Friday 10th October was the first anniversary of my husband's death and I truly did not know how I would feel. I was pleased it was a Friday and that I was not in school though I did volunteer at the Open Heavens conference at Bethel and I was unsure if this was a good thing or not! However, I am getting ahead of myself and I need to go back to Tuesday of that week.

After I got home from school on the Tuesday I went up to get the mail and was surprised to see a small package addressed to me from England. Being a big kid I rushed home eager and excited to see what it contained. Inside there was a wonderful card from my sister-in-law with a beautiful silver hummingbird necklace. What blew me away though were the amazing and encouraging words that she wrote in the card. Wow! The tears came!

The next morning (Wednesday) the tears were still falling and there seemed to be no stopping them. They were not violent tears but a constant weeping. I did not know how I would get through school. I just laid before Papa, as I did not really have any words to say and felt him say to me that I should let my revival group know how I felt by posting on our facebook page. NO WAY was my immediate thought, However, I was obedient and posted this:

This is kinda hard for me to do (am always the strong one!) but believe God is asking me to be real and vulnerable in the moment and not just declare testimony when it's all over. Friday is the one year anniversary from when my husband died and I am feeling very emotional and a little overwhelmed. Really missing my friends and family back home who knew and loved him too and who would just know how I may be feeling without me saying a word. Papa says your my family now so just wanted to let you know that a hug or a smile would be so amazing right now and if I cry, don't worry, Papa's working me through the process. I still have joy in my spirit even when the tears are falling. Love you guys xx

Wow! It was done now and there was no going back! Within a short while I had several lovely comments from my revival group saying they were there for me. Still crying I headed off to school. It was amazing, the tears did not stop but person after person from my revival group came and hugged me and I felt Papa's love through each and every one. I was loved, I was accepted and I was with family!

Thursday morning came and there were still tears though thankfully much more intermittent. before we went to school Lizzie, one of my amazing roomies, came and said God had shown her that there was a bright new dawn for me. it felt like a good word but it seemed like a while away! At school love continued to be poured out on me by my revival group through hugs, words and even a couple of pictures drawn for me. The tears continued to fall off and on. By the end of school I was exhausted and wondered what Friday had in store.

Friday morning arrived and the time it was in the UK when I got up was the time I was arriving home shortly before my husband died one year earlier. Amazingly there were no tears! I read a few messages from people saying they were thinking and praying for me and still no tears. I had got up early enough to spend some time with Papa before I went off to volunteer and so I did. As I was laying before him (there was not much talking on my part) I felt him remind me of the word my friend had given me about the rain. I felt him say the rain before my birthday were the tears before this anniversary and he had now drawn a line in the sand. I just knew that this was my bright new dawn, the old season had passed away and the new season was beginning. It did not mean I would never be sad or miss my hubby, it just meant I had passed from my grief season and the tears were done. Amazing! 

Volunteering at the conference that day was fantastic and I had a great day with lots of fun. I also got lots of opportunity to remember my husband and I remembered him with joy and thankfulness for the great times we had spent together. No tears fell and I knew a deep peace knowing I was able and ready to move on. Wow! God is so good all the time. He planned this to make it work so beautifully. As I let the tears flow earlier in the week, he brought healing so that the line could be drawn and that chapter completed.

To finish this post I just want to give a quick testimony of how awesome Papa truly is and how amazing it is to partner with him. In the morning at the conference there was a lady who said she was from LA but I only saw her briefly. Later in the evening she was leaving with her friend and because I knew she had a long way to travel I asked if I could pray for her journey. She said yes and I prayed. As I was praying I felt Papa say tell her she is going to mentor and encourage young black women, she will teach them to be proud of being black and to know that they have amazing destinies ahead of them and that they can fulfil their dreams. As I told her this tears started streaming down her face and she explained that she had recently got out of prison from a 14 year sentence and the day before her probation officer had asked if she would speak to young women at risk of offending. She now knew that this was something that God wanted her to do and he would help her. Wow! I was blown away by how Papa used me to show this beautiful lady how much he loves her the gold he placed inside of her.

Tomorrow I head to San Francisco to do 2 days of street outreach and I hope to be able to love hell's trash like heaven's treasure and show people that they are loved by God and he has placed amazing things inside of them. I look forward to telling you more. Be blessed and know that wherever you are at you are loved by God and his plan for you is amazing!