47 years to authenticity...

Wow! I am blown away by the goodness of God and undone by his kindness! I love that he knows what we need and the perfect time to bring it even when we have no clue that we need it. Over recent weeks we have had to do some homework on leadership development and Papa has truly rocked me to the core through the process. I hope you are encouraged as you read on to realise God can uncover the lies we are believing using anything!

For our first leadership development report, amongst other things, we had to do a DISC test. This is a personality test and they have us websites where we could do it for free or we could pay for it. I did the free text and discovered I am very high I (influence) and high D and S (dominance and steadiness) and very little C (compliance). When I had done the first test I found two or three other sites where I could do the test for free too and did them all. They all have me the same results. After all of this I decided I wanted to pay to do the official test and again I got the same results, just with a little more information!

Once all of the tests are done Good asked me if I knew why I had done all the tests? Why I had not been happy doing just one test? I think that I knew the answer but I didn't want to admit it but I also knew he would tell me anyway! He told me that I kept don't more tests because I was expecting to get different answers because I still believed that I was different depending on who I was with and that I behaved differently with everyone. 

He then pointed out that my internal and external results (that is the real me and the me I show the world) were almost identical and this meant that who I am and who I show the world is the same person. He then reminded me of the first prophetic word I was ever given 19 years ago. The word was that it was time for the makes to come off, there was lots of them and it would take a long time but they would all come off. They are all gone he said to me, that is why your results are almost identical because you are so you say you are. Wow!

This was amazing revelation and I so wanted it to be true! However, I was not convinced and as I was writing about who I was and what I was passionate about for my report I had this nagging doubt that I was just writing what I wanted people to believe about me. I was a fake! Once I had written the report I had to get feedback from a couple of people before writing a final paragraph, I asked Lizzie and Amy, my housemates, as they know me best here in Redding.

The morning after I had given them my report Lizzie told me that as she read my report she thought I really know this woman, this is Michelle honestly and openly. This is authentic. Amy added that she agreed with what Lizzie said and that what I shared was accurate and truly who I am and who I strive to be. She agreed with my DISC test in who I am. She said she really felt my heart when she read what I am passionate about and that from what she sees in my daily life she agrees!

Wow! I cried! I was blown away! I had to go to Papa and ask what this meant and he showed me that I had still been believing that I was manipulative as I was many years ago and that I believed that I was a fraud it my personality. Well, we soon nailed that lie to the cross and declared the truth, I am authentic! It may have taken 47 years for me to be able to see what was plain to others but now I not only see it but I know it to be true! Hallelujah!

As I close this post I just want to encourage you, wherever you are at and whatever season you are in to trust God and to trust the process he has you in. He truly knows what he is doing and only has your best interests at heart, he is working to make you the best you you can be and I believe with all my heart, you will get there.

Here's the last paragraph I added to finish my report and remember it took me 47 years to get here!

I am genuine! I am authentic! I am real! This report has been a journey that has shown me that I am truly who Papa says I am and who I have hoped I really am and shown me that there were lies that said otherwise that I was believing. Blown away by his kindness to me in showing me that I am not a fraud in what I offer to the world, another lie that I have nailed to the cross and broken agreement with! So who am I? I am loving, I am generous, I am compassionate, I am a laid down lover of God, I am his daughter, I am a trophy of grace, I am enthusiastic and passionate, I am an encourager, I am a mum, I am me! Thank you Papa!

I bless you to know the truth of who you are in his eyes and your own. You are amazing! You are his child! You are loved! Thank you for reading.

Out of my comfort zone but right in the centre of Papa's heart

It's been a while since my last blog but I hope to get two or in quick succession. I pay they are both fun to read and encouraging!

I want to write about my recent ministry trip to Isla Vista and what God did there, it was amazing and he had definitely opened my eyes as a result of the trip. For those of you who don't know, which is probably most of you, Isla Vista is just north of Santa Barbara on Southern California. It is basically a college town with 20,000 students and we went down to partner with Jesus Burgers for Halloween.

So, Jesus Burgers are this bunch of radical believers who week after week love the students of Isla Vista and part of the way they do that is by giving out free burgers. It truly was a privilege to partner with these guys but more of that later.

Now, a typical Michelle Halloween would involve curling up in bed early with a good book so that I don't have to answer the door to trick or treaters or So this trip was a little out of my comfort zone to say the least. I'm fine with loving people on the street but make those people lots of students in fancy dress, celebrating Halloween and it makes me feel a tad nervous!

On the Friday night before we went out we had a great time of worship and then we got together in mixed teams (there were a couple of teams from Orange County there to help too and lots from the local church). It was a great night and I was challenged a lot but everyone was so open and so friendly, well, except for the scary looking guys we approached because they looked intimidating! I guess that's what you get for going out with the trip leader. As a group by the time I went to bed we had prophesied over a number of people, stepped out in several words of knowledge (including some that were right!) and got to pray for lots of students. A good night all in all.

The next morning a friend and I went for a walk to the beach and to get coffee because most people were still sleeping. At the beach I got very wet as the tide was coming in but I also got to prophesy over a beautiful young student about her heart for justice and her destiny. It was such fun. Then we headed off for coffee, on the way we saw a lady collecting recycling and I said good morning. It was clear that she was profoundly deaf but her speech was understandable with a little concentration. She shared that she would be collecting recycling until about 5 pm and was a very cheerful lady. My friend asked if she could pray for her hearing and she said yes, so after covering her ears with her hands and praying she took her hands of and clicked by her deaf ear. Wow! You could see the surprise on the beautiful lady's face as she said, 'I can hear!' We prayed again and again the look of joy and surprise was on her face as she could hear. She asked if we were magic and we explained that it was Jesus and that he loved her so much, with this we left. How exciting, we had just gone out for us, to walk to the sea and get coffee but God had planned to use us to bless those we saw. This was one of my favourite moments of the whole trip.

That afternoon we did treasure hunts and the team I was with spent ages chatting with a lovely homeless man as he shared about his war room, that is, his prayer room. We were blown away with the privilege of encouraging him and being encouraged by him and as we walked away we realised he had been one of our treasures!

That night we went out for Halloween and I felt so much more bold than the night before, it was great! I stepped out with words of knowledge, lots were wrong but praise Jesus that some were right! I love that as we step out and take risk we realise that it does not matter if we get it wrong, we don't die and the ground does not open up and swallow us up and generally right or wrong the word opens up a conversation and we get to show the love of God anyway. Awesome!

The next day (Sunday) we had church on the beach and two of our team were baptised. Such a beautiful time and just a real privilege to be there. In the afternoon we then led the Isla Vista church service before prophesying over some of their leadership in the evening. What an honour to speak into the lives of these amazing people who have laid down their lives to love the students of Isla Vista. They are truly a great bunch of people and I loved getting to encourage them in this way.

On Monday we went to Santa Barbara for the day as we had free time. We had a great day even though the heavens opened and the rain came down. It was such fun spending time laughing and relaxing with the team.

That evening we got to do 15 minutes of prophesy over anybody from the church or community who wanted to be ministered to in this way. I was with two other students and we prophesied over a few people and then 2 brothers came to us. One brother explained that he had brought his brother and it felt quite obvious that the other brother had absolutely no belief whatsoever, in fact, it felt like he was there just to disprove God! We explained what prophecy was and then I went for a word of knowledge, it was wrong. Another team member then went for a word of knowledge, it was wrong too. Not a good start! The third member of our team started talking about how it was okay to question God, to doubt God and then things began to flow. We shared how he was a dreamer and had crazy dreams but this was because he was a Joseph (we had to explain who Joseph was as he did not know) and you could see this impacting him. Then God said to tell him that he had already given Good an ultimatum and said, 'if you are real God then......' and that God was going to answer this. Again you could see the reality of this in his face. The guy on our team then started talking to him about how he had been hurt as a young boy and God was sorry for this and the tears started, they started with the young man we were prophesying over, then his brother started crying and then one by one our team cried too. God had me ask forgiveness of this young man as a mum for not protecting him and for not speaking truth and hope into his life, it felt so powerful and that's when the tears began to fall for me as I knelt before him. After a while God had us speak hope into his life about music and that he would have the favour of Joseph on his life and we finally ended prophesying over him after 45 minutes. As this young man left he said that he was overwhelmed as he had not expected what he had received, he had expected nothing and he had never had people cry for him before. It was so humbling to be used this way and this was truly one of the most amazing encounters I have ever had the privilege of being part of and was definitely the highlight of my trip. My team and I just hugged, cried and praised Jesus for a while after this as we were pretty overwhelmed too.

Our last day was a day off blessing the Lomelino's, the amazing family who oversee the Isla Vista church and Jesus Burgers. It was great to be able to serve them and give to a family who have truly laid down their lives for the kingdom. If you would like to know more about the church and Jesus Burgers then check out this website http://islavistachurch.org/upper-room-and-jesus-burgers/ and get hold of the two books Jason Lomelino has written that are full of amazing testimonies of God showing up as they simply give away burgers with love every week.

I hope you have been blessed and encouraged reading this. I know I will never be the same again after this trip as I have truly seen lives laid down for the kingdom in love and humility and the impact that has. I have seen how easy it is to partner with God and see the miraculous as we walk out every day things and I have seen how when we let Holy Spirit lead he knows exactly how to meet someone right where they are at and impact them the most. I have seen how even when we get things wrong Papa loves us because we stepped out and turns things to good because it does not depend on us but on him who lives inside us and he is always faithful! I encourage you to step out and take a risk this week and see what he will do!

Last thing, there was lots and lots of police out on the streets of Isla Vista on Halloween and it felt over the top until you knew that two years ago someone was killed at Halloween there. This year there were pictures in the paper after Halloween of the police playing Frisbee with party goers in the street. How amazing what a difference a group of laid down lovers of Jesus can make when they choose to love their community!