So why a blog and why now?

Hello and welcome to my blog. So why a blog and why now? 
Good question, not sure I fully know the answer myself but as this 
journey progresses hopefully it will become clear!

First, I guess a little about me might be helpful. 
I am 45 years old and a mum and grandma. I have been a follower of 
Jesus for 18 years and was unexpectedly widowed after being with 
my husband for 16 years in 2013. 

In August of this year I fly out to Redding, California to attend 
Bethel School of Ministry and I think this blog will be a record 
of the amazing adventure that God has called me to go on with him, 
wherever that takes me. For the moment though it seems right to 
tell you a little about how I got where I am, so here goes.

I met Jesus when I was 28 and leading up to this I was a mess. 
I came from a dysfunctional, broken home where abuse and drugs 
were normal and by the time I met Jesus at 28 I had spent 15 years 
doing drugs and all the related lifestyle issues that tend to go 
with it trying to hide how much I hurt inside. I was also a single 
mum to an amazing 10 year old son.

Then Jesus stepped in, I did not expect it, definitely was not 
looking for it (in my opinion) but in he stepped anyway! It was 
amazing, in one encounter he showed me that I was loved, accepted 
and forgiven and that he wanted to know me. 

Wow! I had a lot of issues due to the lifestyle I had led and for 
the first couple of years I was up and down like a yo-yo. It was 
during this time I met and married my husband. When I was 30 I 
finally gave up my efforts and said to God that I would go his way 
and I have never looked back. Over the past 15 years he has 
brought healing and wholeness to me in ways I could never have 
imagined and most people who hear my testimony now struggle to 
relate it to the person they see before them. That is the amazing 
grace and restoration of my awesome Almighty God. My Papa, my 
Jesus and my Holy Spirit, without whom I fear to think where I 
would be today or if I would even be here at all.

As I said at the beginning, I am recently widowed and my husband 
was not follower of Jesus, though he always encouraged me in my 
faith and was a wonderful man. The last couple of years before my 
husband died I had 3 prayers that were on my heart. 

The first was to see my husband follow Jesus, God had said to me 
this would happen and when I told my husband I believed this he 
promised me to do it on his death bed. The second was to see 
reconciliation between my son and I, we had not spoken in a couple 
of years and I knew I had a grandson but had not met him. My last 
prayer was that I wanted my declaration of all I am for Jesus to 
be wholly and completely true with nothing held back. Keep these 
things in mind as I take you back to December 2012, as I want to 
share how amazing my God is and how he sees to all the details so 
that we can count our blessings even in the toughest seasons of 
our lives.

In December 2012 my husband and I decided we wanted to move to the 
countryside, both to be near one of his sisters and because we 
loved the country life. A job came up with the charity I worked 
with at a different project (I worked with high risk ex offenders) 
and if I got it moving would be made much easier. I applied and 
prayed that God would open the door if it was the right next step, 
I got the job in January 2013 but it was 4 months before I was 
able to transfer, so at the end of May I started my new job. 

How excited was I, a new challenge, a shorter commute and the 
opportunity to move! 10 days after I started at the new project 
though, senior managers came to tell us they were closing the 
project in September. Shock! How could this be? I had asked God 
to shut the door if it was not right and he had not done so. 
Why would he give me a job and take it away again so quickly? 
I came to the conclusion that I was there to support the staff 
(I am a great change manager) and pray for God's intervention, 
his miracle to save the project. Sadly, or so I thought at the 
time, I was made redundant on 1st September 2013. My husband 
and I had more time together than we had enjoyed for many years 
(he was not working at this time as he was doing up the house) 
and he was in a great place. He had found this lovely little 
cottage for us to buy and was really motivated and excited to do 
up the house so we could sell it and move.It was not to be, on 
October 10th 2013 he died suddenly of a heart attack. God's 
blessings even in this hard time were amazing though. We had 
spent the last 6 weeks of his life together with no work getting 
in the way (so my redundancy was not sad but amazing provision 
of time), my husband had no idea he was dying (he just said he 
wanted an ibuprofen because he had pulled his chest, gave me a 
hug and died) and I was with him.

Since his death God has shown me clearly that my husband stuck to 
his promise and is now with Jesus and is among the crowd cheering 
me on. My son and I are reconciled and I am getting to know my 
amazing grandson and his mum. Lastly, all I have and all I am is 
truly all for Jesus, nothing held back. It is not the way I would 
have wanted my prayers answered but I can say in all truth that 
every day since my husband died I have known that God's grace is 
sufficient for me and that his joy is my strength. 

I still have steps to take to walk out free and whole from my 
grief but I know that Papa will continue the work he has begun 
and for that I am forever grateful.

I guess the last thing you need to know is my journey that led to 
me being enrolled in Bethel School of Ministry (BSSM for short) 
but that's a story for next time.

Thanks for reading, I pray you were encouraged and blessed.