What a privilege the last few weeks at school have been. First we had the Helsers come and lead worship and teach, then we had Heidi Baker teach and finally we had Randy Clark, including attending his Healing and Impartation School. Wow! Papa used both Heidi and Randy to mark me in different ways and then he used a 3rd year student to undo me with 5 little words. I will never be the same and will be forever grateful to Papa for his faithfulness and love to me.
So, first to Heidi's visit, basically she invited us in to see what her secret place is like. She invited us to focus purely on Jesus and to keep pressing in with just our voices. There was such a beautiful presence in the room as 1100 students pressed in for more of Jesus, he is so amazing and his presence is so sweet. Heidi taught for a little while about his presence being the key, that is, if we live in his presence we can face anything. As she was speaking and I was on my knees I felt a question stirring in my spirit, do you love me more than you love your life?
Wow! As I got on the floor in my room after school the honest answer was I don't know, sometimes, maybe but most times probably not. This was not the answer I wanted to be giving but I realised I didn't fully know what was meant by the question, so I asked! The answer was two fold, was I willing to lay down anything in my life for the sake of Jesus and was I willing to lay down my life for Jesus? As Papa asked me these questions I knew I would not have life in all its fullness until I could say a wholehearted yes to both parts. I finally realised the truth of what it means to lose your life in order to find it. Wow!
The answer to the first part is yes, I truly believe that there is nothing in my life (time, money or possessions) that I would not willingly stop doing, give away, sell or start doing if Papa asked. This has been part of my journey this year as recorded in other posts. The answer to the second part is not so straight forward, am I willing to lay down my life for Jesus. I want to say yes, every part of my being says the answer must be yes but is that truly where I am? Am I truly fully surrendered and fully yielded? The answer is no and I know the answer is no because there are times when I do not step out and take risk when I feel him calling me to. Yes, I take risks lots but not every time he asks and until I am always obedient then I am not fully yielded or surrendered. Thankfully, I am closer (much closer) than I was and my heart's desire is to be able to declare in all sincerity, 'all I am is yours Jesus, whatever the cost'. Thankfully too, my Papa is committed to getting me there!
So that was Heidi, next came Randy Clark and as a school we were blessed to have him teach us for a day before we got to attend the conference. I lived his teaching because he taught on the thrill of victory but more importantly on the agony of defeat. It was amazing to hear someone speak so openly and share the stories of those that did not get healed, the heartbreaking ones you need to be able to move on from if you are to see healing. All the stories were of children and they all obviously left a mark on Randy and though they were hard to hear they were also so encouraging. No-one sees everyone they pray for healed but if you never pray for anyone then no-one will ever gets healed.
In the evening he held an impartation (transference of anointing) service and I was very excited. One of the words I have been given time and time again is that I am a fire starter, called to impart gifts to people and to stir up the giftings they have within them so that they can fulfil their destiny. As a result of this, once I knew I was coming to BSSM, I said to God if that word is true I want Randy to lay hands on me if he comes to school. I told a few people that he would do this while still in Leicester though I had no idea whether it was a possibility or not. However, I was very excited for this service believing that he would lay hands on me. When you consider there were about 1700 students there (first and second year) then the likelihood was in reality quite slim!
Randy taught on impartation and what it meant and its biblical basis, then he invited Holy Spirit. Within moments there were a number of students who were visibly being touched very strongly by Holy Spirit and Randy called about 15 or 20 out to pray for them. I was not included, either in being visibly touched by Holy Spirit or being called out. Then Randy walked down the aisle I was in and prayed for some people but walked past me. I just said to Papa, if the word to me is true then let Randy lay hands on me and pray. I knew the conference was on for 2 days but I was volunteering for most of it which meant I would not really have another opportunity. Suddenly Randy has hold of my left hand and is praying for God to impart more to me as I look at my housemate in shock and slid down my chair to the floor!
To be honest I was surprised, partly because I had thought my chance had gone and partly because I was on the floor. I did not feel pinned to the floor but at the same time I was full of peace and I did not want to get up. After a couple of minutes my feet got hot and I felt Papa say he was anointing my feet to carry the gospel. Then I got a pins and needles type sensation in my left hand and I felt Papa say he was anointing me for healing and to be a firestarter. Wow! Next I started doing occasional crunches, it felt odd and I could not quite work out if it was me or not me, it was strange but I was still full of peace. It went on for a few minutes and as it did I felt Papa say that I was birthing the things he had anointed me for. Wow! Evangelism, healing and fire starting, what a combination, especially as I already carry the mantle of encourager!
After I got home I sat on my bed and asked Papa how much of the night had been him and how much me, instantly I got pins and needles in my left hand and had my answer! Thank you Papa.
The conference was amazing and I saw and heard of more miracles in those 2 days than I had previously in my life. Metal disappeared, a foot got straightened, Lyme disease symptoms were healed and much more. I prayed for one lady whose left hand was numb and she got full feeling back. It was still good the next day when I found her to check! I also prayed for a man who was lactose intolerant and he found me the next day to tell me he had milk in his coffee that morning and had no allergic reaction. Praise Jesus, by his stripes we are healed and thankfully he is the same yesterday, today and forever!
Now to my last little story, not nearly as dramatic as the first two but it marked me just as much. One of the evenings I was ushering there was a slight disagreement between myself and another usher, as the other usher walked of a 3rd year intern Justin came up and asked if I was okay, the other usher returned and when asked by Justin what was wrong said it was none of his business and left. Then, just before he went off to find his seat, Justin turned to me and said, 'you're worth fighting for'. Wow! This young intern had just undone me with 5 small words and I had to excuse myself and go to the bathroom. Wow! I never knew that I wanted to know that I was worth fighting for but thankfully Papa did and he allowed a situation to occur so I could be told. How amazing! I'm still processing this with Holy Spirit because it is so new to me but it has given me a new confidence and I am excited to see where he leads me with it. Maybe I will write more in a future post.
It's been a busy but amazing couple of weeks and I will never be the same again and I am so thankful to God for blessing me with this wonderful season at Bethel. I pray that you were encouraged, challenged and blessed as you read and I pray that God will draw you closer, that he will undo and that you will be forever changed, however that looks for you. Be blessed.
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