In the first few weeks of being at Bethel, Papa asked me would I consecrate myself to him for this year. Not really knowing what this meant I asked him about it. I felt him saying that he wanted me to do a Nazarite fast for my time in Bethel and that this fast would simply mean replacing all my drinks with water. As my heart's desire this year is just to know him more, love him more and dive more deeply into his heart, the obvious answer was yes, so that's just what I said!
So from about the third week in September until now (except for the time I was on English soil at Christmas), I have drank only water. Thankfully, I have found it to be true that what God calls us to, he graces us for and it has generally been a pleasure to do this and not difficult at all. In truth, when I think of what Jesus gave up for us, any sacrifice on our part seems to fade into insignificance, even if it is a challenging one.
Why do I tell you this? To set the scene for what Papa spoke to me on Monday and this was, 'dive into the deepest recesses of my heart, they're open for you to choose, as I chose to want you I have given you the choice to decide how deep you want to go. What are you willing to lose to gain everything? What are you willing to sacrifice to see my life fully realised in you? How much are you willing to lay down to fully step into the promised land?'
Wow! I knew this was just the next step of the journey he has me on and I am so hungry to go deeper, so desperate to know him more, that I immediately said that I would give up or lay down anything and everything! How could I not!
Papa said he was calling me to consecrate myself further to him in this new year, the last half of my first year at BSSM. He said he was asking me to be more disciplined in 2 areas of my life, the first being with my time and the second being with my body.
With my time he showed me how often I waste time on facebook (often checking it several times a day), watching iplayer (British TV) and on playing silly games. This may not amount to more than two or maybe three hours a week, but for me, these are hours that I could spend doing other things and I would sometimes choose to go on Facebook, play a game or watch TV when I knew he was asking me to seek him. I knew this was time that he was inviting me to spend with him instead.
Wow! Papa is jealous for my time and taking me at my word literally, as his question to me again is, do you mean it when you say all you are is mine and all you have is mine? Thankfully, my heart resounds with an eager 'YES!' and I willingly lay these things down to know him more. There truly is nothing that I am currently aware of that is more important than him, more important than pursuing him with all I am. So, I will only be going on facebook once a week on a Sunday, instead of every day and I have deleted all the games and Iplayer off my iPad.
It's amazing how he has confirmed that this was him speaking to me and that he will bless me for it. It was Monday of this week when Papa asked me the questions and it was Monday night when I responded. The very next day in worship this is what Papa said to me, 'I am to be a disciple lover, diving into the deepest recesses of his heart, nothing hidden from me that I cannot find in his heart. The biggest adventure is in walking with him and seeing what he will do. I am invited into the deepest parts because he knows I will go deep and deeper still. My life is to be the amazing adventure of diving deeper. His heart is deeper than the oceans and there are greater depths yet to be discovered than I could possibly imagine. I am invited to discover all the depths, that is my life's mission, my life is an adventure, to explore the depths of his heart.' Wow!
A little later in our evangelism class, one of the leaders said that it was time for us to consecrate ourselves to God and I just knew Papa was smiling as I received further confirmation that I was hearing right and obeying well.
The second part of my increased discipline was to be about my body. For years I have exercised for a week or two (sometimes even 3 or 4!) but then I slip back into old habits and the exercise goes out of the window for a month or two. Papa said he wants me to be intentional and consistent about exercise because he wants me to care for the body he has given me. As he reminded me, he lives here too! So, I have been exercising for about the last month and am determined to continue being disciplined and not give up. I want to honour God by taking care of this body he has given me. To me, this will definitely be the harder part of this consecration but as I mentioned earlier in this post, what God calls us to he graces us for, so I am believing that my habits have changed!
I am so grateful that he Papa hears my cry that I want to be completely surrendered to him and does not give up on me because I am not there yet. He leads me step by step into laying down what gets in the way of receiving all he has for me with astounding patience. He is truly amazing, truly awesome, faithful beyond faithful and I cannot thank him enough. To top it all he continues to fill me with a deeper and deeper hunger and passion for more of him, meaning that my heart's cry to go deeper is a heart's cry given by him! Wow! I have great expectation for all he is leading me into this season. I am already so different to the person who started this blog last year, to the person who came to Redding in August, I am more like Jesus and more fully myself and I am so excited to see how this transformation continues over the next few months.
I hope you have been encouraged as you have read this. I pray that, wherever you are with your walk with God, you would be able to hear his voice and know what he is saying to you. To know what he may be calling you to lay down or pick up. To know the amazing plan he has for you, a plan to prosper you and give you a future and a hope. I am so grateful that he takes us on individual journeys, created for us personally because he knows us and loves us. Your journey will not be mine but it will be perfect for you to bring you nearer to him, deeper into his heart and to make you more like Jesus and the real you. Just enjoy the journey, I know I am!
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