This is probably one of the hardest posts I've had to write, not because it exposes lots of vulnerability but because I want it to be about my process with Papa and not what I have done. It is about the process of holding things lightly, of being willing to lay it all down for Jesus, of being willing to be love whatever the cost. It is an ongoing process but I want to share how God has brought me this far. I pray you are blessed, encouraged and challenged as you read.
So, when I arrived in America I brought with me enough money to do 2 years at BSSM if I was wise with my money. This was my security and I had planned to give away about 10% of my monthly budget on top of my tithe. Generous, I thought but Papa had other ideas! In the 4 months I have been here I have spent almost 2 months budget on blessing others as Papa has asked, about 5 times as much as I had budgeted for. As you can probably imagine this has brought up some great challenges for me!
On top of asking me to give of my finances Papa has been asking me to give away some of my belongings too and so as directed I have given away my camera, a prophetic painting and my raincoat. Each of these has had a different pull on me; the camera my husband bought me, the picture was expensive and it was raining when I gave away the coat!
Whenever Papa challenges me I know he is asking me the following questions:
Is all you are and have truly mine?
What would be too much cost/sacrifice to follow me?
What is the one in front of you that I am asking you to love worth?
Is your security in your money or me?
These questions are truly challenging me and changing the way I view myself, my possessions and all the people I meet every day. My current answers to these questions are:
More of me is truly God's today than it was yesterday but there is still more of me I can give. My desire is to reach that point of complete surrender and therefore, I will keep listening, keep obeying because I know Papa knows what needs to change in me for that to happen.
I know that there is no cost or sacrifice too great for me to give to follow Jesus but I also know that I will still struggle with some of them as I walk out obedience.
The one before me he asks me to love is priceless and therefore, worth everything I am or have to show them their value. Myself and my possessions are meaningless, especially in the light of someone's eternal destiny. I am learning to walk in this knowledge daily.
I realised that my security, at least financially, was in my cash in the bank and that Papa needed to change that. I know he can provide for all my needs and will so am learning to just give as he directs and not worry or wonder about future provision.
So why did I tell you all this? I told you because I believe Papa is awakening me to the realities of walking wholly with him, the realities of seeing lives impacted by what I do and the reality of saying all I am is yours to him, the reality of counting the cost and that this message is for everyone. Does it mean giving away everything you own? Maybe, but most likely not. It just means placing our security in him and not in our jobs, our finances, our possessions or anything else of this world and holding all things lightly and being willing to let go as he directs.
Papa's love looks like something and sometimes that something it looks like costs us more than just our time or a little inconvenience. Here are a couple of stories that show this from my recent experiences:
I gave the prophetic picture away to a girl in my revival group and seeing the transformation it has helped to bring to her in regards to her beauty is amazing. Papa's love looked like a picture to remind her she is in his heart and only beautiful things can be found there.
I gave my raincoat to a homeless lady who was very wet and took her other coats to wash and dry. Papa's love looked like practically helping her get dry and to stay that way.
I bought a sleeping bag, rucksack and clothes for a young 19 year old homeless girl who had nothing. Papa's love looked like a warm night's sleep and some new clothes and a young girl having the smallest thought that she might be worth something.
Papa's love looks like my housemate, Amy, stepping out of her comfort zone to buy a homeless couple food and a tent so that they can be dry on their travels and not me hungry.
Papa's love looks like my housemate, Lizzie, paying the bill for the car behind us in the drive through so that they feel blessed in their day.
Papa's love looks like something, it can look like a smile, a friendly greeting, a prayer, a prophetic word, food, a coffee or a bed for the night, a holiday or anything else that he asks us to do. It truly is whatever he is asking us to do to love the one in front of us. I have chosen to take up the challenge and live sacrificially the best I can, will you?
I pray that everyone of you will have a wonderful, joy filled Christmas and that 2015 will bring the abundant blessings of God into your life. You are amazing!
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