Focus on what God is doing, even through the tears !

So today is the day I had set aside to write a new blog post, the truth is though, I didn’t realise that today would be such an emotional day and that what I would post about was being given a diagnosis of endometriosis.  I say, ‘given a diagnosis’ and not ‘having’ because I am not willing to accept it that this condition is mine, as I am healed by Jesus’ stripes, it was done and does not need to be done again. However, the truth right now is that endometriosis is causing ill effects in my body. 

Needless to say, today has felt a little like a roller coaster, I know my God is good and that he is always faithful but I am disappointed that I am not healed.  I am disappointed and, in truth, a little shocked and overwhelmed, that what I thought may entail a very routine minor operation has become a radical major operation with a diagnosis that seemed to come out of nowhere. 

Thankfully, my Papa is a good, good Father and he is not afraid of my emotion, he just wants me to be real and share it with him.  He wants to comfort me in this and draw me closer and have me lean in and trust him more. 

As a good Father, he hasn’t caused this or allowed it, we live in a fallen world and disease and sickness are a result of that.  The fact that I haven’t been healed is not a fault on his side as his will is always to heal, we just need to look at Jesus to know that and he healed all who came to him.  I’m not going to get into trying to find out why I’m not healed yet either, I am just going to stand on the truth that my healing was done and wait for it to manifest itself in my body.

All I am still disappointed, I am still sad and emotional, I am still shocked, I am still overwhelmed.  My emotions are real and they need to be felt and walked through but they are not my truth.  My truth is God is a good, good Father and he is always faithful, he always turns every situation to good for me and I have 20 years of history with him that testifies to this. 

So, while the tears flow and the emotions are worked through I will trust that I am safe in his hands.  I will trust that, though I cannot see it right now, good will come out of this situation.  I will trust that I am loved and cherished.  I will trust that my healing was accomplished and does not need to be fought for again.  I will trust my Jesus and keep my eyes firmly focussed on him through the ups and the downs, through the tears and the laughter because he is my rock, my anchor and my hiding place. 

I will walk in thankfulness over coming days and weeks as I await my healing.  I will thank him for the grace he shows me.  I will thank him for the amazing people he has placed around me to stand with me in prayer and faith.  I will thank him for the many blessings he has poured out so lavishly on me.  I will thank him for the ability to focus on what he is doing and not what he isn’t.  I will thank him because as long as there is breath in my body there is always hope and the promise of more, more of him in me and through me.

Happy heart!  Blessed indeed!