A journey of preparation.....

A couple of weeks ago I signed up for Christian Connection, an online dating site.  This came as a complete shock to me but not to Papa and it was the end of one journey, and as I am discovering, it is just the start of another one! 

So, just over 4 years ago, I was suddenly widowed when my husband of 15 years died.  As I walked out my grief journey with Papa I was determined that I would stay single for the rest of my life.  I had done relationships but now it was time for me and Jesus with no distractions.

After I had been in Redding for a little while Papa began talking to me about relationships.  At first, he asked me did I want to die alone.  I love how he talks straight to me, it’s how I talk too!  This got me thinking and I realised that it would be nice not to grow old alone but that I would like some time on my own first.  So, I told Papa that I would like a husband but that I would to like 20 years first!  This seemed to satisfy Papa, or at least it did for a while.

A little while later I felt God tell me to reread ‘Captivating’ by John and Stasi Eldridge.  I loved this the first time I read it as God showed me how I was created to be wooed and pursued by him, he showed me that I was captivating to him.  So, I was expecting more of the same.  However, that isn’t what I got this time.  This time God showed me how I was meant to be wooed and pursued by a man.  Wow!  What a surprise. 

Next God told me to read ‘Wild at Heart’ by John Eldridge.  Through this he showed me what men were created for, to be protectors and warriors and spoke to me about having a man who would protect and treasure my heart.  Wow! 

It was after this that God asked me if I really wanted to wait 20 years or would I like to have someone I could do ministry with.  This blew me away as I had not thought about that. 

This was when I was released to dream about the possibilities for my future but to be honest, my dreaming was very selfish.  I wanted someone who would live where I wanted to live and would want to support me in the visions that God has given me.  It was my way or no way!

The next major change for me was about a year ago.  I was back in the UK and driving home from work and all of a sudden, I was weeping.  It was a funny experience.  I hadn’t been thinking about anything I was just worshipping.  Then suddenly I was telling God that I wanted a man that I would lay my life down for.  Wow!  It was amazing, God had changed my heart completely and I didn’t even realise it.

A few months later, I went on line and signed on to a dating website.  Well, I signed up for a free trial.  However, the moment I saw my profile go live I panicked and deleted my account.  It was scary, I felt so vulnerable and exposed.  That was the end of my thinking about online dating, it was definitely never going to be on my agenda again, or at least so I thought!

That was it until just before Christmas then it seemed like every conversation I had ended up with Christian Connections being spoken about.  Of course, it was not every conversation but there was a lot, I even had a conversation about it on Christmas day.  Then in the beginning of January I had two friends stay with me at separate times and again Christian Connection was one of the topics of conversation.  One of my friends even told me about someone we both knew who met their husband on the site.

All the conversations had me thinking that Papa was talking to me about this.  In fact, I knew he was talking to me.  The thing that I bothered me was whether there were men on there who were truly passionate about Jesus.  However, knowing a lady who was passionate about Jesus who found a man who was as passionate as she was, alleviated that, especially when I got to meet him and saw his passion for myself.

So, I chose to be obedient to what I felt God was leading me to.  It was a little scary but I decided that I was going to do it and I was going to write a profile that left nothing in doubt about Jesus being first in my life.   So, I did! 

I am now a fully signed up member of Christian Connection and I am so thankful for what God has done in my life to get me ready for this.  I am also thankful that the journey is only just beginning as he teaches me walk this path well but more on that another time!  I’m excited to see what happens.

So, seeing as it is out there anyway, here’s my profile:

I am a daughter, loved and cherished by my Papa, the God of Creation because of the sacrifice of my big Brother, Jesus and I have Holy Spirit living within me. I am passionate about Jesus and life. I love people well and enjoy drawing the best out of them. I love walking, reading, friendships and hosting people in my home. Old houses, gardens and the sea make my soul happy. My heart is to build community and see people know who they were created to be. I have a 30 year old son and 2 grandsons. I am blessed!

I have lived all over the UK and spent 2 years in Redding, California at BSSM but Leicester is currently home. I love that life is full of opportunity and, though my heart is to see Leicester come to know Jesus, I also know that home is where my heart is and that is wherever Jesus takes me!

Jesus is everything! I am his trophy of grace! My heart is to seek first him and his kingdom and to see heaven come to earth as he commissioned us. I believe that revival will come and be sustained when we truly believe what Jesus said, that we would do greater things than he did. I have seen blind eyes open and deaf ears hear and believe I will see the dead rise and I will see it here in the UK. I love my family (church) because they are on this path too and together we believe we will see our communities, our city, our nation and the world transformed by and for Jesus.

I love the adventurous. I want to jump out of a plane again, want to try hang gliding, want to do zip lining and love fast and furious roller coasters. My favourite times are walking in nature, especially forests, hills and the sea. I love good conversations that connect heart to heart and I love to see people step into the fullness of who they are. 
My life goal is to see the end of human slavery, every person treated with the respect due to them because they are made in the image of God and precious in his sight.

I am passionate and love well. I love Jesus above all else and want a man to love who does the same. I am happy to come second to Jesus! I am excited and nervous to be on this adventure but sometimes you just have to take a risk.....

Be encouraged to take a risk!

Happy heart!  Blessed indeed!

My next steps of obedience.....

After my last blog on seeing the end of slavery just before Christmas, God has been opening my eyes to the small steps he is asking me to take next.  I started by reading Modern Slavery, A Global Perspective by Siddharth Kara, which is a great book on this subject, though as you would expect, it is tough reading in places. 

One of the biggest things that I took from the book is that it is very, very difficult to live your life and be certain that you are not supporting the slave trade in some way.  Slave labour is so pervasive and is not isolated to poor countries.  Siddharth documented slaves working in the almond industry and California as well as in the seafood industry in Thailand.  It is everywhere and often, right under our noses. 

How do you know that the Asian ladies in the nail bar doing your nails who speak very little English are there because they want to be and are being paid a fair wage?

What about those who work in the car washes?

What about………….???  I’m guessing that most of us could put something in here.  The problem is that when we think about slavery and begin to realise how large an issue it is we can feel powerless, like there is nothing we can do.  This though, is simply not true.  If we all did what we can, whatever God is calling us to do, we can trust him to give us the strategy to see slavery ended for good.

So this is what I plan to do, to take the steps I feel God is leading me to and to trust him with the bigger picture.  I believe he is leading many people to take the steps he is showing and together the interwoven threads will begin to build something that we could not imagine individually.   So, here are my steps!

-       To pray and declare the end of slavery in my lifetime and to partner with Holy Spirit as he leads

-       To continue supporting Hope for Justice (every life freed is a miracle) and to attend their conference in March

-       To join a local group who want to pursue abolition in Leicester, the UK and further afield and if one is not running, with Hope for Justice’s help to start one!

-       To do a post graduate certificate in Human Rights and Development

-       To build relationship and connection with those who share similar passions, whether in the church or out, it will take a network of people affecting all areas of life to see this evil end (more on this in a later post I think!)

-       To keep the conversation going wherever and whenever I can

This is what I know God is calling me to do at this moment, this will probably change as time goes by but right now, I just want to be obedient to him in this season.  If I’m honest, I look at the big picture and how far reaching any solution needs to be and my little contribution feels like a drop in the ocean but I know my God is faithful and he is more interested in my availability, my yes, than my ability.  So, I don’t know where this journey will take me or what it will look like 6 months from now but I am committing to taking one step at a time with God and trusting him for the outcome.  One thing I do know, we will see the end of slavery in my life time and I am only a very small piece in a much bigger puzzle.  We just need all the pieces of the puzzle to do their bit!

Can I encourage you, if you have a passion, whatever it is, then please ask God what steps you need to take, whether that be praying or stepping out in obedience and doing something, and then do it and trust that he will open doors that you could not open yourself, that he will build connections that you could not build, that he will use your obedience to bring change to whatever areas you are passionate about.  He is calling his children to step up and step out in partnership with him, this was his plan all along.  How amazing that there is no plan B, we are it and he is no doubt that his plans will be fulfilled.  Wow!

I am excited because I believe 2018 is a year where we will see individuals step up and step out and trust that God will use their obedience to do more than they could ask or imagine.  I believe that this year we are going to see heavenly strategies and blueprints released and acted upon that means by the end of the year things will look so different.  This is the year where the church steps up and out as God’s solution to the many issues and problems the world faces.  I am blessed to live in such a time as this and just want to play the part God has for me, how about you?

Happy heart!  Blessed indeed!

How he brought me to his banqueting table....

This was my feast this week, it was made up of lots of my favourite things and it started with communion.  It was special and significant.  To understand why we need to go back to September…..

In September, I had a hospital appointment that I left shocked and surprised with the news that I was to have a full hysterectomy.  The blogpost for that can be found here, https://consumedbyloveandgrace.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/focus-on-what-god-is-doing-even-through.html

Over the few weeks following my last blog post God spoke to me lots about my heart to be fully surrendered and my independence and that the two did not work together.  He showed me that though I had come a long way and had learnt to receive from others, I was not comfortable at the thought of being dependent on others fully for a while.  In fact, this thought was actually quite frightening to me.  Not good to feel this if you want to be fully yielded to God as it gets in the way!  

Over the next few weeks I was blown away by the offers from people who wanted to be part of caring for me after an operation.  People invited me to stay with them, offered to come live with me, to cook me meals, do my washing, whatever I needed.  I began to realise how loved I was by my family and that this was not a sacrifice to them, this was their way of showing me that love.  I was undone!   

Even though I was believing for healing and had been anointed and prayed for by the elders, I was suddenly seeing this differently.  I began to see the good that could come out of the journey of an operation and a period of recovery.   Knowing God works all things for good to those who love him gave this growing revelation meaning.

Throughout this time, I was waiting for a letter from my consultant telling me what had been said at our meeting.  It finally came and as I read it (and had a medic friend read it) there seemed to be a suggestion that an operation was not my only option.   I had already made an appointment to go and see my consultant again to get some questions answered so I decided to ask about this too as to be honest, it had thrown me a little.

When I met my consultant, she answered my questions well.  Then my friend who I took with me (a very wise friend I am pleased to say) asked whether the consultant would recommend I have the operation as she had already said it was my choice as to whether I had it or not.  The reply was she would not recommend that I have it or that I didn’t, it was simply an option. 

Wow!  This took a little processing as I had become settled on the idea of the journey God was going to take me on through the operation but now it was my choice as to whether to have it or not.  After some time with Jesus I decided that if I had no further infection (this was what put me in hospital in July) before any operation date then I would not have it.  He told me the heart change that had been needed for me to lose my independence was done through my willingness to surrender to this process.  I then received an operation date for January 8^th!

A few days later, while at a worship night with Jonathan Helser and the Cageless Birds, I felt God whisper that I would not have the operation.  That was it, the decision was confirmed.

The next day I felt some of the signs of infection but I had a word from God and so I declared health over my body and that I would not have the operation.  I continued to do this almost daily as I felt in a battle for this.  Whenever anyone would ask me about the operation I would tell them what God had said and what I was believing for.  I declared God’s truth and not what my eyes were seeing and after a few weeks the signs stopped.

On the 3^rd January, this year I got to ring the hospital and cancel my operation. It felt so right and I was full of such peace.  Then a friend asked what I was going to do to celebrate not being on the operating table on 8^th and suggested that I set a banqueting table and feast in the presence of my enemies.  So, that’s just what I did.  I celebrated seeing God’s word come to pass, his truth manifest as reality in my life.  A banqueting table and not an operating table!

There were moments during the battle when I wondered if I was just trying to convince myself of something, rather than believing it but as I kept looking to God and declaring the truth I knew he had said to me my faith arose.  This is how I want to live my whole life, believing his truth whatever my eyes see, standing on the truths he has given to us in his Word.

Whatever you are facing, you can trust him.  Listen to his words over your situation, receive his faith and his grace to walk your path with your eyes fixed firmly on him.  He will work all things for good for you because you love him.

He is faithful! 

He is good! 

He is love! 

He is better than we can ever possibly imagine! 

He’s our Dad!

Back to slavery next time, just had to celebrate his faithfulness to me in this.  Love how he uses everything to teach me and to answer my prayer to be fully yielded, fully surrendered with nothing held back, his love on legs.

Happy heart!  Blessed indeed!