This was my feast this week, it was made up of lots of my
favourite things and it started with communion.
It was special and significant.
To understand why we need to go back to September…..
In September, I had a hospital appointment that I left
shocked and surprised with the news that I was to have a full hysterectomy. The blogpost for that can be found here, https://consumedbyloveandgrace.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/focus-on-what-god-is-doing-even-through.html
Over the few weeks following my last blog post God spoke to
me lots about my heart to be fully surrendered and my independence and that the
two did not work together. He showed me
that though I had come a long way and had learnt to receive from others, I was
not comfortable at the thought of being dependent on others fully for a
while. In fact, this thought was
actually quite frightening to me. Not
good to feel this if you want to be fully yielded to God as it gets in the way!
Over the next few weeks I was blown away by the offers from
people who wanted to be part of caring for me after an operation. People invited me to stay with them, offered
to come live with me, to cook me meals, do my washing, whatever I needed. I began to realise how loved I was by my
family and that this was not a sacrifice to them, this was their way of showing
me that love. I was undone!
Even though I was believing for healing and had been
anointed and prayed for by the elders, I was suddenly seeing this differently. I began to see the good that could come out
of the journey of an operation and a period of recovery. Knowing God works all things for good to those
who love him gave this growing revelation meaning.
Throughout this time, I was waiting for a letter from my
consultant telling me what had been said at our meeting. It finally came and as I read it (and had a
medic friend read it) there seemed to be a suggestion that an operation was not
my only option. I had already made an appointment to go and
see my consultant again to get some questions answered so I decided to ask
about this too as to be honest, it had thrown me a little.
When I met my consultant, she answered my questions
well. Then my friend who I took with me
(a very wise friend I am pleased to say) asked whether the consultant would
recommend I have the operation as she had already said it was my choice as to
whether I had it or not. The reply was
she would not recommend that I have it or that I didn’t, it was simply an
option.
Wow! This took a
little processing as I had become settled on the idea of the journey God was
going to take me on through the operation but now it was my choice as to
whether to have it or not. After some
time with Jesus I decided that if I had no further infection (this was what put
me in hospital in July) before any operation date then I would not have it. He told me the heart change that had been needed for me to lose my independence was done through my willingness to surrender to this process. I then received an operation date for January
8th!
A few days later, while at a worship night with Jonathan
Helser and the Cageless Birds, I felt God whisper that I would not have the
operation. That was it, the decision was
confirmed.
The next day I felt some of the signs of infection but I had
a word from God and so I declared health over my body and that I would not have
the operation. I continued to do this
almost daily as I felt in a battle for this.
Whenever anyone would ask me about the operation I would tell them what
God had said and what I was believing for.
I declared God’s truth and not what my eyes were seeing and after a few weeks
the signs stopped.
On the 3rd January, this year I got to ring the
hospital and cancel my operation. It felt so right and I was full of such
peace. Then a friend asked what I was
going to do to celebrate not being on the operating table on 8th and
suggested that I set a banqueting table and feast in the presence of my
enemies. So, that’s just what I did. I celebrated seeing God’s word come to pass,
his truth manifest as reality in my life.
A banqueting table and not an operating table!
There were moments during the battle when I wondered if I
was just trying to convince myself of something, rather than believing it but
as I kept looking to God and declaring the truth I knew he had said to me my
faith arose. This is how I want to live
my whole life, believing his truth whatever my eyes see, standing on the truths
he has given to us in his Word.
Whatever you are facing, you can trust him. Listen to his words over your situation,
receive his faith and his grace to walk your path with your eyes fixed firmly
on him. He will work all things for good
for you because you love him.
He is faithful!
He is good!
He is love!
He is better than we can ever possibly imagine!
He’s our Dad!
Back to slavery next time, just had to celebrate his faithfulness to me in this. Love how he uses everything to teach me and to answer my prayer to be fully yielded, fully surrendered with nothing held back, his love on legs.
Happy heart! Blessed indeed!
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