If you read my first post and know a little of my life story, then you probably realise that my family are pretty dysfunctional. Thankfully though Papa is in the business of bringing reconciliation, restoration and relationship where once there was only pain. Wow! He is awesome.
Before I tell you about heartache and reconciliation with my son and my mum I want to tell you how Papa taught me about family through my hubby's family. It was a long and often difficult journey but now, though my husband may not be here to unite us anymore, I can say with all my heart that they are my family. Amazing!
When I first met my husband's family I really struggled with feeling accepted and part of the family. This had absolutely nothing to do with them, they were welcoming, loving and wonderful but had everything to do with my experience and low self esteem and self worth. I was convinced they would think that my husband had scraped the bottom of the barrel with me and that he could and should do much better. For about the first 5 or 6 years of our marriage I avoided all big gatherings and my husband and son would go on their own. I never thought about how this may affect them, I was just terrified of family. I know it sounds bizarre but I didn't get family, how it worked or how you interacted and so I stayed away. I was also afraid they would ask questions about my family and past and I did not want to reinforce, what I thought was their belief, that I was not good enough for my husband. I knew I was not good enough for him!
The only family event I could not avoid was Christmas when we would all head to my husband's sister's house. Thankfully this was only immediate family but I still struggled hugely and for the first few years my way of coping was to drink too much. An old and faithful safety mechanism I had that Papa had not yet dealt with. Praise God that he has now! My husband would comment on this as it would disappoint him but none of his family would and I would always be welcomed back with open arms. As this happened year after year I began to realise that I was loved and accepted and became part of the family. Wow! What a privilege to be accepted into their family!
On to my own family which has always struggled with being family, it's not that we do not love each other, we just did not know how to relate and interact with one another and that always led to communication difficulties. Thankfully, Papa had a different plan for my relationship with my mum and my son.
My relationship with my mum has been strained for many, many years and it has been many years since I have tried to make any real effort. There are lots of reasons behind this but one of the main ones was my unrealistic expectations. When my husband died God spoke to me about contacting my mum and building relationship before it was too late. I knew this was right, especially when he used a dear friend to confirm it with a very clear word! I wrote to my mum and we arranged to meet. As I travelled over I just wanted to be love my mum, no expectations and no agenda. Praise God that he is always faithful and that is exactly what happened and we had a lovely time. We have met again since and are planning a night away before I leave for California. So amazed by how God truly can bring restoration into broken relationships if we are willing to hear his voice and follow his lead. Love it!
With my son, we had not spoken for about two and a half years when my husband died but our relationship had struggled for a long time before this. In August 2011 my son became a dad himself but I had never met my grandson. My son came to my husband's funeral, he arrived the night before so we were able to meet for the first time without lots of people around. It was not easy for either of us but it was good. We agreed the past was behind us and what we did I to the future was all that was important. Wow! How I had longed to be able to say it and I know that he did too, however our pasts had helped shape our relationship in ways that meant it took a tragedy for things to change.
Since then I am pleased to say my relationship with my son is growing and growing on much healthier foundations. It still has a way to go but I visit monthly and we Skype weekly. I truly feel accepted into his family with his partner and of course, my precious grandson. I even had the privilege of taking them on their first holiday a few weeks ago, truly awesome!
The reasons for the rifts in my family are not important, what is important is the grace and mercy of God that longs to bring reconciliation, restoration and healthy relationships. Though it is generally a hard path to follow the results far outweigh the cost. I am thrilled now that I have such an amazing family who I see regularly, they are so special and I long to see them reach their potential. I am truly blessed!
Lastly, just to keep you up to date with the house, contracts should be exchanged either at the end of June or the beginning of July. My plan is that the house will be empty by the end of this week though and already for when the date comes through.
I hope you have been encouraged by this, especially if you have relationships in your own life that need God to intervene. He truly can turn things on their head and bring joy out of the darkest night. Be blessed.
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